Waiting for counselling can feel incredibly difficult, especially when you have already taken the brave step of asking for help. For many people, reaching out for support comes after weeks, months, or even years of struggling in silence. So when you are told there is a waiting list, it can feel frustrating, upsetting, and sometimes even hopeless.
But waiting for counselling does not mean you have to face everything alone. There are things you can do during this time to help protect your mental health, reduce distress, and prepare yourself for counselling when your sessions begin.
Counselling can be life-changing, but the time before it starts also matters. This period can be used to build small coping strategies, understand what you are feeling, and put support around you so that you are not carrying everything by yourself.
Acknowledge That Waiting Can Be Hard
The first thing to recognise is that it is completely understandable to feel disappointed or anxious while waiting for counselling. You may have finally found the courage to ask for support, only to be told that help is not available straight away. That can feel like a setback.
Some people feel angry. Others feel rejected, forgotten, or worried that things will get worse before they are seen. These feelings are valid. Waiting for mental health support can be emotionally draining, especially if you are already struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, stress, or low self-esteem.
Try not to blame yourself for finding the wait difficult. Needing support does not make you weak. Feeling frustrated does not mean you are ungrateful. It simply means you are human.
Make a Simple Safety Plan
If your mental health feels unstable, one of the most important things you can do while waiting for counselling is create a simple safety plan. This does not need to be complicated. It is simply a written plan that helps you know what to do if things become overwhelming.
Your safety plan might include:
Who you can contact if you are struggling
Where you can go if you do not feel safe alone
What helps calm you down when your thoughts become intense
What warning signs tell you that you need extra support
What services you can contact in a crisis
Keep this plan somewhere easy to find, such as on your phone, in a notebook, or on your fridge. When we are distressed, it can be hard to think clearly. Having a plan written down can make it easier to take the next step.
If you ever feel at immediate risk of harming yourself or someone else, treat it as an emergency and call 999 or go to A&E. You do not need to wait for a counselling appointment if you are in crisis.
Speak to Someone You Trust
Waiting for counselling can feel lonely, but you do not have to tell everyone what you are going through. Start with one trusted person if you can. This might be a friend, family member, colleague, support worker, GP, faith leader, or someone in your community.
You do not need to explain everything. You could simply say:
“I’m waiting for counselling at the moment and I’m finding things difficult. I don’t need you to fix it, but it would help to know you’re there.”
Many people avoid opening up because they worry they will be a burden. But people who care about you would usually rather know that you are struggling than see you suffer in silence.
Support does not always mean deep conversations. Sometimes it means having someone check in on you, going for a walk together, helping with practical tasks, or sitting with you when things feel heavy.
Keep a Journal of What You Are Experiencing
Writing things down can be a helpful way to understand your thoughts and feelings before counselling begins. You do not need to write perfectly, and nobody else has to read it. The aim is not to create a polished diary; it is to get what is inside your head onto paper.
You might want to write about:
What has been difficult today
What triggered your anxiety, sadness, anger, or panic
What helped, even slightly
What you want to talk about in counselling
Questions you want to ask your counsellor
Patterns you notice in your mood or behaviour
Journaling can also help you make the most of your first counselling sessions. Sometimes when people finally sit in front of a counsellor, they feel overwhelmed and do not know where to start. Notes can give you a useful starting point.
Even writing a few lines a day can help you track what is happening and remind you that your feelings are real and worth exploring.
Focus on Small Daily Routines
When mental health is poor, everyday routines can become harder. Sleep, eating, washing, getting dressed, replying to messages, cleaning, and leaving the house may all feel like huge tasks.
While waiting for counselling, try to focus on small routines rather than big life changes. You do not need to completely transform your life overnight. Start with the basics.
Try to:
Get up at roughly the same time each day
Eat something, even if it is small
Drink water regularly
Get some daylight if possible
Move your body gently
Limit alcohol or drug use if they make your mood worse
Create a calming bedtime routine
These things may sound simple, but they form the foundation of mental wellbeing. When life feels overwhelming, structure can give your mind and body a sense of safety.
Do not aim for perfection. If all you manage today is getting out of bed, having a drink, and sending one message, that still counts.
Use Grounding Techniques When Anxiety Feels Overwhelming
If you are waiting for counselling because of anxiety, panic, trauma, or stress, grounding techniques can help bring your mind back to the present moment.
One simple technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 method. Look around and name:
5 things you can see
4 things you can feel
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
This helps your brain reconnect with the here and now rather than becoming trapped in frightening thoughts or memories.
Another helpful technique is slow breathing. Try breathing in gently through your nose for four seconds, holding for two seconds, and breathing out slowly for six seconds. Repeat this several times. The longer out-breath can help signal to your nervous system that you are safe.
Grounding techniques do not remove every problem, but they can reduce the intensity of the moment and help you get through difficult waves of emotion.
Reduce Pressure on Yourself
Many people waiting for counselling feel they should be coping better. They tell themselves things like:
“Other people have it worse.”
“I should be over this by now.”
“I’m being dramatic.”
“I’m weak for needing help.”
These thoughts can make distress worse. Mental health struggles are not a competition. You do not have to prove that your pain is serious enough. If something is affecting your life, your relationships, your sleep, your work, or your sense of self, it matters.
Try to speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you care about. You would probably not tell a struggling friend to “just get on with it.” You would show kindness, patience, and understanding. You deserve the same.
While waiting for counselling, self-compassion is not a luxury. It is part of survival.
Learn About What You Are Going Through
Understanding your mental health can make it feel less frightening. Reading reliable information about anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, panic attacks, low self-esteem, or stress can help you make sense of your experiences.
You may begin to realise that your reactions are not “mad” or “wrong”, but understandable responses to stress, loss, pressure, trauma, or unmet needs.
However, be careful with what you read online. Not all mental health content is helpful or accurate. Try to use trusted sources and avoid spending hours searching symptoms, as this can sometimes increase anxiety.
Learning can be helpful, but it should not become another way to criticise yourself. The goal is understanding, not self-diagnosing every thought or feeling.
Prepare for Your First Counselling Session
While you are waiting, you can start thinking about what you might want from counselling. You do not need to have all the answers, but it can help to reflect on a few questions.
For example:
What made me ask for counselling now?
What are the main things I am struggling with?
What would I like to feel different in my life?
Are there past experiences I think are still affecting me?
What do I find difficult to talk about?
What helps me feel safe when speaking to someone new?
Your counsellor will not expect you to explain everything perfectly. Counselling is a process. You can go at your own pace. But having some thoughts prepared can help you feel more confident when your first appointment arrives.
Stay Connected Where You Can
Mental health struggles often make people withdraw. You might stop replying to messages, avoid social situations, or feel like nobody understands. Sometimes space is needed, but complete isolation can make things worse.
Connection does not have to mean being around lots of people. It could mean sending one text, attending a support group, going to a community café, speaking to a neighbour, or spending time with someone who feels safe.
If face-to-face contact feels too much, online or telephone support may feel easier. The important thing is to have some form of connection so that you are not left alone with your thoughts all the time.
Human beings are not designed to cope with everything in isolation. Support, even small support, can make a difference.
Be Honest With Your GP or Support Service
If your mental health gets worse while you are waiting for counselling, let someone know. Contact your GP, the counselling service, or the organisation that referred you. Waiting lists are often managed by level of need, and services cannot always know that things have changed unless you tell them.
You might say:
“I am currently waiting for counselling, but my mental health has got worse. I’m struggling to cope and need advice about what support is available while I wait.”
This is especially important if you are having thoughts of self-harm, feeling unsafe, experiencing panic attacks, not sleeping, struggling to eat, or finding it hard to manage daily life.
You are not making a fuss. You are giving people the information they need to support you properly.
Avoid Unhelpful Coping Strategies
When people are distressed, they often look for anything that gives quick relief. This is understandable. But some coping strategies help in the short term while making things harder later.
Examples might include drinking more alcohol, using drugs, gambling, overeating, isolating completely, repeatedly checking symptoms online, lashing out at others, or avoiding every situation that causes anxiety.
Try not to shame yourself if you have used unhealthy coping strategies. Most people do what they can to get through pain. But while waiting for counselling, it may help to gently notice which behaviours are helping and which are making things worse.
The aim is not to be perfect. The aim is to move towards coping strategies that protect you rather than harm you.
Try Gentle Movement
Exercise is often suggested for mental health, but when you are struggling, the word “exercise” can feel overwhelming. You do not need to join a gym or start running. Gentle movement is enough.
This might include:
A short walk
Stretching
Gardening
Walking the dog
Chair exercises
Slow breathing with movement
Getting outside for five minutes
Movement can help release stress from the body, improve sleep, and reduce some symptoms of anxiety and low mood. It also gives your day a sense of action, even if everything else feels stuck.
Start very small. A five-minute walk is still progress.
Use Support Groups or Community Services
While waiting for counselling, you may be able to access other forms of support. This could include peer support groups, wellbeing groups, recovery colleges, crisis cafés, community drop-ins, bereavement support, domestic abuse services, veterans’ services, carers’ groups, or addiction recovery groups.
Some people worry that group support will not be as helpful as counselling. It is different, but it can still be powerful. Being around others who understand can reduce shame and loneliness.
You may hear someone describe something you thought only you felt. That moment of recognition can be deeply reassuring.
Community support can also help you build confidence, routine, and connection while you wait for one-to-one counselling.
Remember That Counselling Is a Beginning, Not a Test
Some people put pressure on themselves to be “ready” for counselling. They worry they will say the wrong thing, cry too much, not cry enough, forget important details, or be judged.
Counselling is not a test. You do not have to perform. You do not have to have the right words. You do not have to tell your whole life story in the first session.
A good counsellor will help you feel safe, listened to, and respected. The relationship builds over time. It is okay to be nervous. It is okay to start slowly. It is okay to say, “I don’t know where to begin.”
The fact that you are waiting for counselling already shows strength. You have recognised that you need support, and you have taken a step towards it.
Final Thoughts
Waiting for counselling can be painful, but it does not mean nothing can change until your first appointment. Small steps can help you stay safe, feel more supported, and begin understanding what you are going through.
Speak to someone you trust. Create a simple safety plan. Keep some routine in your day. Use grounding techniques when emotions feel intense. Write down what you want to discuss. Reach out again if things get worse.
Most importantly, remember this: needing help does not make you weak. Waiting does not mean you have been forgotten. And the fact that things feel difficult right now does not mean they will always feel this way.
Counselling can offer a safe space to explore your feelings, understand your experiences, and begin healing. While you are waiting, you still deserve care, support, kindness, and hope.
